I have to say that in writing for this blog, I am learning more about myself and seeing areas in my life that I need to develop further. In reflecting on the post I recently put up about
friendship, I realized that I was wrong. Dead wrong. In reflecting and re-reading, I sounded a little bit like a douchebag.
I had noted that I was essentially OK with sacrificing one specific friendship if it meant that I could maintain another one. Upon reflection, I realized they are not mutually exclusive. And that basically I am an idiot.
I may have mentioned here that I am terribly judgemental. If not...I am terrible judgemental. And this unattractive trait is what has stood in the way of maintaining a 10 year old friendship. Knowing when I am wrong and working to recticfy the damage done does help, but only so much.
So I reached out to an old friend yesterday. It went painfully sideways though. I sent her a text saying essentially:
I see from your notes on Facebook that you are happy and in love and I am so happy for you. Miss you. Turns out, I didn't do my due diligence and sent the text to her
ex-husband. Crap. Nothing like having your ex' happiness rubbed in your face for a good time. Let us just say that he wasn't amused with my little mix up.
But her response, when I let her know how I messed up, was funny and understanding. More importantly, it opened the doors for me to be honest as to why I have been MIA from the friendship for the past couple of years. And I expressed how I hoped we could essentially start from scratch and get to know each other again. (wow, I really sounded like an over-emotional girl there. But I am one, so whatever).
I don't know what her response will be. It could go in any direction. But I hope that we can rebuild.
As I continue to write, I learn more about myself. The great and the ugly. And I learned I am not OK with throwing a friendship away. And as I come up to my 28th birthday in a couple of weeks, I know that I am content with who I am, but will be even happier when I can be the person I know I can be.