*KNOCK KNOCK* ... Is this thing on?

Ok, so it has been a while.  I was taking quiet, self-reflective time to meditate and seek out my authentic voice. 

um...

If that makes you respect me more in the morning, then you can believe that.

Really, I was just busy.  Busy with work; busy with sweeping twice a day due to a shedding dog and busy with the summer line up of trashy TV.  I had many great intentions to post some off-beat thoughts and musings combined with poor quality point and shoot photos, but that really didn't pan out now did it?

But I love and missed all 12 people who have ever accidentally linked into my blog.  Especially you, you crazy IP address from Russia.

So the plan is to not make a plan.  I will write when I have the urge and the time.  Because with this here blog, I am not seeking to be a Somebody, I am ok with just being just one of a gazillion nobody bloggers.  Although I do get a kick out of the many bloggers who think and write as if they are capital "S" Somebodies in the social media world.  I love observing self delusion.  I prefer the somebodies (small "S") who have so much to celebrate in their nobody worlds.  But whether you are a nobody, a somebody or a Somebody, I will read all of your archived posts way back to 2002, I can't help it.  I must consume. But I will judge you while I read.

But what goes around, comes around.  You can feel free to judge me.  In fact, judge me based on the content or the fact that I made the error of cutting my own bangs this morning.  It is never a good scene when I cut my own hair.

So I have to head out now.  You are cutting into the premier of The Bachelor Pad.  Seriously.

Self Discipline

I have none. End of post.

Not really.

The latest manifestation of my lack of discipline is sleep. I have turned into a 10 year old that doesn't want to go to bed when it is her proper bed time even though her eyelids can barely stay open and she is only semi-conscious.

I am a rational and intelligent woman; I know that staying up until 1am will kick my ass six different ways the next day. And I don't have a good reason for being up. I read (books, blogs), I might play a mind numbing game on the computer, or sit zombie-like in front of the TV. I am never doing anything really constructive with my time, no hobbies or chores.

I think I need an intervention.

And the crazy thing? I love sleep more than almost anything, and yet I still can't get my butt to bed at a decent time. And when I finally get to bed, I lie awake because I have mucked up what once was a "normal" sleep pattern.

There is no help for me.

Does anyone else stay up for no apparent reason?

I didn't marry for the money.

My dad always used to say to me and my sister: "Don't marry for money, just hang around rich guys until you find one you like."

I didn't listen, go figure. I married for love, how cliche of me. And now I have to work for a living to pay the bills instead of lounging by a pool by day and attending cocktail receptions with the who's-who by night.

So my hubby (who has yet to select a moniker for my blog) turned 30 this weekend. And instead of partying up with the boys or having a big surprise party at our house, he kindly came with me to the big event for a dance company that I am on the board of. It was the final performance for the production that had been 2 years in the making. And he came to support me. Even though a contemporary dance performance may not have been his first choice for a 30th birthday celebration.

I am so grateful for his support, even when it takes away what rightfully should have been a night all about him.

(I did try make it up to him with a surprise trip to Vegas, hockey tickets and a nice homemade meal. So I can't be all bad?)

This all ties back to how the hell you balance your life. Did I make the right choice about spending his birthday as we did? I don't know. But I married for love, and the decision was a little easier that way.