Growing

I have to say that in writing for this blog, I am learning more about myself and seeing areas in my life that I need to develop further.  In reflecting on the post I recently put up about friendship, I realized that I was wrong.  Dead wrong.  In reflecting and re-reading, I sounded a little bit like a douchebag. 

I had noted that I was essentially OK with sacrificing one specific friendship if it meant that I could maintain another one.  Upon reflection, I realized they are not mutually exclusive.  And that basically I am an idiot.

I may have mentioned here that I am terribly judgemental.  If not...I am terrible judgemental.  And this unattractive trait is what has stood in the way of maintaining a 10 year old friendship. Knowing when I am wrong and working to recticfy the damage done does help, but only so much.

So I reached out to an old friend yesterday.  It went painfully sideways though.  I sent her a text saying essentially: I see from your notes on Facebook that you are happy and in love and I am so happy for you.  Miss you.  Turns out, I didn't do my due diligence and sent the text to her ex-husband.  Crap.  Nothing like having your ex' happiness rubbed in your face for a good time.  Let us just say that he wasn't amused with my little mix up.

But her response, when I let her know how I messed up, was funny and understanding.  More importantly, it opened the doors for me to be honest as to why I have been MIA from the friendship for the past couple of years.  And I expressed how I hoped we could essentially start from scratch and get to know each other again. (wow, I really sounded like an over-emotional girl there.  But I am one, so whatever).

I don't know what her response will be.  It could go in any direction.  But I hope that we can rebuild.

As I continue to write, I learn more about myself.  The great and the ugly.  And I learned I am not OK with throwing a friendship away.  And as I come up to my 28th birthday in a couple of weeks, I know that I am content with who I am, but will be even happier when I can be the person I know I can be.